Demistasis' Blog, where she rambles about anything! 2025-05-08T00:00:00Z https://demistasis.neocities.org/blog/ Demistasis demistasis@gmail.com 2025-05-08T00:00:00Z https://demistasis.neocities.org/blog/posts/Reflections%20of%20the%20Past/ <p>I've gone through a lot in my life in general and have gained and lost a lot of friendships. Over time, I've slowly learned what friendships really are and what I really value in them the most. I only started having close friends starting 2020 and I'm still actively trying to navigate around it all. Me being autistic does explain a lot of how I behave, but it will never excuse any bad things I have done in the past. I only hope to keep improving and to understand how to be a better friend, as well as how to keep my relationships healthy. That being said, while I know many of those situations have happened because of me... I do feel like a lot of it gets blamed on me while everyone else thinks they did nothing wrong and that I'm the one who has to shoulder the fault.</p> <p>I'm tired of that. Just because I struggle with depression for years, have never really had close friends until much later in my life, am autistic all my life, doesn't mean that everyone else did nothing wrong. Sure, it's not easy telling others about the things they did that have hurt you. It's not easy to confront people about anything. It's not easy to confront people about their behavior or unhealthy habits. But, it's a necessary step to a healthy relationship. And, the amount of times I was left in the dark until suddenly, I was out of people's lives, is extremely hurtful. Despite everything I had done to make sure to respect these people as much as I could, it was like anything I did for them was in vain. It didn't matter. They didn't want me in their life anymore, they didn't owe me an explanation as to why they wanted me out of their lives. They just...do it, block me, pretend that the time spent as friends never mattered.</p> <p>I don't wish anyone to have their experiences and feelings invalidated like these people have invalidated mine. I don't wish people to need to go to therapy for all the lost friendships I have gone through. I don't wish anyone to feel like they are a lost cause and have no ability to heal and move on from the past like they have made me feel. I don't wish anyone to feel like they need to share everything to someone if they don't want to, no matter how close to them you are. I don't wish anyone to be isolated and pushed away by the people that were meant to be the closest to you like I had been. I don't wish anyone to see their very identity destroyed by the person that meant the most to you.</p> <p>I guess what I'm trying to say is...the world is already a horrible place. Don't make it worse by neglecting the friends and family you have and make sure to be there for them when they have been there for you too. Despite everything that has happened to me over the last years, I'm eternally grateful of the found family I have which has seen me deal with a lot of these situations and being able to grow out of them. Of course, I still have my downs, but they know I will be able to move on and thrive. If somehow, the people who have left my life are reading this... I'm sorry, but I can't ever forgive you, no matter how long it's been. At this point, you probably don't even care about me nor do you care about any of the memories we made together, nor do you care about all the gifts and appreciation of my friendships I've given to you. You've probably thrown it all away by now. Maybe I am wrong, and you have thought of trying to contact me again. Maybe you want to try again.</p> <p>But, again, I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I don't want to insult the years of recovery I've went through because of the hurt you have caused me. I don't want to insult the people who had to watch me suffer for you. I don't want to see my current partner upset because I tried to chase the past.</p> <p>I am not the only one who is suffering. That is true. But, you are also not the only one who is suffering. This goes both ways.</p> 2025-05-02T00:00:00Z https://demistasis.neocities.org/blog/posts/where%20am%20i/ <p>can anyone see this am i normal or am i going insane</p> 2025-05-02T00:00:00Z https://demistasis.neocities.org/blog/posts/site%20update%20may%202nd%202026/ <p>Today has been pretty crazy when it comes to working on this Neocities website. I've learned so much in the span of a few hours and I'm really happy of how functional things are looking like right now!</p> <p>I still don't know how exactly I want to showcase my storylines because...</p> <ul> <li>I have multiple of those</li> <li>I want to have profiles for all of the important characters in all the storylines</li> <li>I also want to have summaries for the stories</li> </ul> <p>It's a lot of things I want and I'm pretty limited with time and knowledge right now. But, I know I can do it!</p> <p>I also want to work on fixing my ToS, not in the text but in the code, because I pasted it from my Carrd and it's all clumped up for some reason. SMH MY HEAD</p> <p>More stamps could be nice to find, my brain is just empty on what stamps I want and where to find them that isn't necessarily Deviantart.</p> <p>Probably making my pages more interesting could be a fun challenge too, but that would be for another time, I think.</p> <p>I think that's all I have for now!</p>